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779: How to Address Bad Behavior, with Nilofer Merchant
Brief
Addressing bad behavior at work was the focus of Coaching for Leaders episode 779 (2026-04-20) with guest Nilofer Merchant. Merchant opened with a concrete case: "Alex," who spent six months building a major idea only to see it presented to executives by someone else; the project became a Super Bowl ad but Alex left in frustration. Merchant used the story to show the systemic cost of tolerating bad behavior: lost talent, lost future ideas, and a culture that signals individual contributions aren’t valued. She paired that anecdote with statistics — citing Gallup figures that roughly 80% of employees are disengaged and that 60–70% of organizational ideas are unheard — to frame the issue as both moral and economic.
Merchant pushed listeners to stop treating misconduct as isolated "bad apples" and instead consider three levels of change: micro (individual), meso (relational/interactional), and macro (system/culture). She argued the meso layer is the most actionable pivot point: small, repeated interactions alter norms and scale into culture change. To operationalize that, Merchant presented five steps leaders and teammates can use immediately: (1) explicitly clarify what is acceptable and what is not, (2) design norms that work for everyone (not only the powerful), (3) define clear and escalating consequences, (4) hold violators accountable, and (5) make norm enforcement a group responsibility. Practical examples peppered the conversation — raising a visible hand to stop a monologue, a neutral phrase like “I don’t know if you mean to, but…” to flag harmful comments, a playful 'M' gesture to call out monopolizing speakers, and even a creative Apple-era tactic where a colleague learned to play golf to join leaders' offsite conversations so decisions wouldn't be made without the broader team. Dave Stachowiak agreed throughout, reinforcing Merchant’s emphasis on small, kind, and collective interventions over grand punitive measures. The episode’s throughline: you rarely need to force someone to change; you need to change the interactional cues and shared norms so better behavior becomes the easier, default choice.
Why it matters
Nilofer Merchant: Cited Gallup data that roughly 80% of employees are disengaged and that 60–70% of ideas in organizations go unheard, creating large lost innovation opportunity and morale costs (episode 779, 2026-04-20).
Key details
- Nilofer Merchant: Told the story of 'Alex' — a colleague who spent six months developing an idea that was presented to executives by someone else; the idea later became a Super Bowl ad but Alex ultimately left the company after feeling her team’s work wasn’t valued.
- Nilofer Merchant: Argued change can act at three levels — micro (individual), meso (relational/interactional) and macro (systems/culture) — and emphasized the meso layer as the practical leverage point leaders and teammates can use to shift norms quickly.
- Nilofer Merchant: Laid out five practical steps to address bad behavior — (1) clarify acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior, (2) design norms for everyone’s needs, (3) create clear, escalating consequences, (4) hold people accountable, and (5) get the whole group (not just the harmed person) to reinforce norms.
- Nilofer Merchant: Recommended low-cost, immediate interventions over big punitive measures — examples included raising a hand to interrupt a monologue, saying “I don’t know if you mean to, but…” to flag hurtful comments, and using small signals (her example: an 'M' YMCA gesture) to call out monopolizing behavior.
- Nilofer Merchant & Dave Stachowiak: Emphasized collective agency — pal up with colleagues to de-risk calling out norms (example from Apple: a teammate learned golf to join leaders and stop pre-meeting decisions), and suggested non-cooperation or 'going limp' as a pragmatic tactic when formal consequences are unavailable.